Thursday, August 20, 2015

What The Narcissist Lacks


Responsible Equals Accountable. Do we create the Narcissist or is it in their genes? Pretty straightforward question, but the answer is hard to come by. Maybe it's both nature and nurture. How are Narcissists different than the regular person?

I think the words responsible and accountable should go hand in hand. A responsible adult learns to stand on their own two feet, they support themselves by working, they pay taxes, and they obey the laws set up to keep us civilized.

Most adults have learned from early childhood that their actions have consequence and, if they fuck up, they should be held accountable. Responsible and Accountable are one and the same to most people, and yet, to the narcissist; the terms are mind-blowing. They just don’t get it.


A person, who has learned to be self-sufficient from an early age, will find ways to survive in the world around them. The independent person knows that it is up to them to make sure they have money for rent, food, car insurance, etc. They know they need to work, every day, to make ends meet.

With most narcissists, they feel that the world owes them a favor. Why should they work when others can care for them? Why should they pay their bills on time, when mommy or daddy will always come to the rescue? Why work when they can suck the life and resources from someone else.

I’ve written about psychic and emotional vampires here. Is there a way that we can hinder a young child from growing up to be a narcissist? Again, I ask is it nature or nurture that deals the cards?

I feel that it may be both. Genetics, and the passing on of genes from both parents, is responsible for everything from hair color to genius. The child may have the gene to be a narcissist, but proper grooming might keep the trait in remission by allowing our children to take on more responsibilities around the house. They should be chipping in and helping around the home by doing dishes, laundry, shopping, cooking and yard work. Is this slavery? No! Becoming part of a unit is a life lesson.

When my siblings and I were very young, we worked in my parent’s grocery store in South Philadelphia. We were expected to keep our grades high, help in the store and help with the housework. We were given an allowance. If we wanted a toy, we had to save up our allowance and buy it. Guess what? We took good care of those toys because we worked hard for that money. When our parents said, I can't afford to buy you this...we knew that we would have to step up to the plate and save up the money on our own. We were not permitted to be spoiled by greed. We were taught to think of others; to think outside of our own entity.

Something has happened in the last forty years. I don’t know if there is something in the water, or that we’ve been overindulging our children. We better be careful because there seems to be more narcissistic people out there, than ever before. If we don’t change our ways and teach our children to be responsible and accountable, we will not survive as a family or as a country.

Today, most children won’t even help around the house. Everything they want, they are given. They don’t value the hard work that went into making the money to pay for their video games because they did not work for it. And, God forbid if a parent refuses to buy the latest fad shoes, clothes or toys! The budding narcissist will throw a tantrum and shame the parents. How can children learn to be accountable when parents refuse to hold their little darlings to a higher standard? Why scream at a teacher for giving little Johnnie an “F” on his report card. Did Johnnie do his homework, his schoolwork? Did you hold little Johnnie accountable for what he had failed to do?  No? Was it easier to scream at the poor teacher than to stand up to your child? Congratulations! You’ve just created a full blown narcissist.

We can start at home to work miracles and we can start with the Government to make new laws that changes the way we help people. If someone is on drugs, that is not a reason for them to get Social Security money, especially if they never put into the system. If you get a check from the government, you will have to work for it. We will help you find a home, we will help with food stamps, we will supply free babysitting services, we will teach you a trade in order for you to get a better job, but you will work for that money, just like the rest of us. If you don’t show up for work, you won’t get paid. It’s that simple. Accountability is a good thing. It is the only way to destroy the adult narcissist and prevent a budding blood sucker.

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