What The Narcissist Lacks

                                                           

Responsible Equals Accountable. Do we create the Narcissist or is it in their genes? Pretty straightforward question, but the answer is hard to come by. Maybe it's both nature and nurture. How are Narcissists different than the regular person?

I think the words responsible and accountable should go hand in hand. A responsible adult learns to stand on their own two feet, they support themselves by working, they pay taxes, and they obey the laws set up to keep us civilized.

Most adults have learned from early childhood that their actions have consequence and, if they fuck up, they should be held accountable. Responsible and Accountable are one and the same to most people, and yet, to the narcissist; the terms are mind-blowing. They just don’t get it.

                                                              

A person, who has learned to be self-sufficient from an early age, will find ways to survive in the world around them. The independent person knows that it is up to them to make sure they have money for rent, food, car insurance, etc. They know they need to work, every day, to make ends meet.

With most narcissists, they feel that the world owes them a favor. Why should they work when others can care for them? Why should they pay their bills on time, when mommy or daddy will always come to the rescue? Why work when they can suck the life and resources from someone else.

                                                               

I’ve written about psychic and emotional vampires here. Is there a way that we can hinder a young child from growing up to be a narcissist? Again, I ask is it nature or nurture that deals the cards?

I feel that it may be both. Genetics, and the passing on of genes from both parents, is responsible for everything from hair color to genius. The child may have the gene to be a narcissist, but proper grooming might keep the trait in remission by allowing our children to take on more responsibilities around the house. They should be chipping in and helping around the home by doing dishes, laundry, shopping, cooking and yard work. Is this slavery? No! Becoming part of a unit is a life lesson.

                                                             

When my siblings and I were very young, we worked in my parent’s grocery store in South Philadelphia. We were expected to keep our grades high, help in the store and help with the housework. We were given an allowance. If we wanted a toy, we had to save up our allowance and buy it. Guess what? We took good care of those toys because we worked hard for that money. When our parents said, I can't afford to buy you this...we knew that we would have to step up to the plate and save up the money on our own. We were not permitted to be spoiled by greed. We were taught to think of others; to think outside of our own entity.

Something has happened in the last forty years. I don’t know if there is something in the water, or that we’ve been overindulging our children. We better be careful because there seems to be more narcissistic people out there, than ever before. If we don’t change our ways and teach our children to be responsible and accountable, we will not survive as a family or as a country.

Today, most children won’t even help around the house. Everything they want, they are given. They don’t value the hard work that went into making the money to pay for their video games because they did not work for it. And, God forbid if a parent refuses to buy the latest fad shoes, clothes or toys! The budding narcissist will throw a tantrum and shame the parents. How can children learn to be accountable when parents refuse to hold their little darlings to a higher standard? Why scream at a teacher for giving little Johnnie an “F” on his report card. Did Johnnie do his homework, his schoolwork? Did you hold little Johnnie accountable for what he had failed to do?  No? Was it easier to scream at the poor teacher than to stand up to your child? Congratulations! You’ve just created a full blown narcissist.

                                                              

We can start at home to work miracles and we can start with the Government to make new laws that changes the way we help people. If someone is on drugs, that is not a reason for them to get Social Security money, especially if they never put into the system. If you get a check from the government, you will have to work for it. We will help you find a home, we will help with food stamps, we will supply free babysitting services, we will teach you a trade in order for you to get a better job, but you will work for that money, just like the rest of us. If you don’t show up for work, you won’t get paid. It’s that simple. Accountability is a good thing. It is the only way to destroy the adult narcissist and prevent a budding blood sucker.

Protecting Your Aura

                                                        

 

I spoke about psychic and emotional vampires in an earlier blog called Negative Energy. On this post, I want to give some examples on how you can protect your aura/soul  from negative energy. Our souls reside in the vehicle we call a body. The body and soul work on a symbiotic principle. Both must be functioning perfectly for you to achieve a state of wellbeing.

If you don’t keep your body healthy, it will eventually affect the spiritual part of you and, the soul and mind must be kept in the proper frequency or the body suffers. Mind over matter is not some old fable, but the natural order of creation.
                                                      

How we feel about ourselves and others sets the groundwork on how we deal with people on a day to day journey through this life. If we’re unable to love ourselves, how can we even attempt to love another being? We can’t. It is impossible to give to others what we are unable to give to ourselves. Emotional Vampires know this and they seek out the people who are in this category because they are easier to isolate and control.

Emotional Vampires drain your energy. They exhaust you because they come from a dark place. One example of an emotional vampire is the narcissist. You would be surprised to learn how many of these self-serving people exist. They are able to disguise themselves in order to present to the public an illusion of a caring person. They will never take blame for their actions, but instead, lay the blame on others. They will build you up, only to tear you down in public and then act surprised that you’re upset. The very fact that you’re angry makes them stronger. And, Heaven help the sensitive or empath that must deal with the narcissist. They have a tiger by the tail, but it is not hopeless.

 

To break away from an emotional abuser, you must realize that you have worth. You had worth from the moment GOD spoke your name. No one can take this from you. The outer shell, the body is only a vehicle. Race, religion, financial status, origin of birth, education, none of this concerns the soul. The soul is free. It is pure energy that was created with love. The soul can only be weakened by hating others or by evil deeds that you commit, or by allowing another to make you feel worthless.

To regain your power, the power given to you, you must walk away from the emotional abuser. It will be hard to do. You will need help from people who see you as the beautiful person that you are. In the end, you have the power to claim your worth back. You’ve always had the power. You were given that power when HE spoke your name.

Negative Energy

                                                            

Negative energy can come from the living and the dead. Over my lifetime, I’ve met my share of narcissistic and sociopathic personalities. So have you, but you may not have known what you were dealing with. I call these people “Emotional Vampires” because they are capable of sucking the very life from you. Emotional Vampires can be found in all kinds of habitats; work, home and even at church.
                                                                  

They don’t survive on blood, nope. If they were simply blood suckers, we would only need a sharp, pointed stake and holy water to rid ourselves of them. Emotional Vampires come in many guises: spouses, friends, bosses and sadly even our children.

How to know if you’re dealing with an Emotional Vampire

1.    You feel the need to protect your personal space.

2.    You feel emotionally and physically drained just spending a small amount of time with this person.

3.    Your happy mood changed to anxious and depressed after spending time with this person.

4.    You begin doubting yourself as worthwhile after being in the presence of this vampire.

We all know someone like this. If it’s someone that we only see occasionally, we can protect ourselves by limiting time spent with this beastie, but what if we can’t escape? What if they live with us? You need to know how to protect yourself.

Types of Emotional Vampires

Hell, yeah! Emotional Vampires can fit into several categories:

Narcissist: Me, me, me. It’s all about me. These vampires lack empathy and emotional growth and if you don’t or can’t do things their way, they become cold, distant and punishing. I bet you’re wondering how to handle this Ass wipe.

You can smack the shit out of them, but that might get you in trouble with the law. You need to remember to keep your expectations realistic. They will never change, so you need to change how you deal with them. Picture yourself in a room with a rattlesnake. If you don’t enter the snake’s territory, it doesn’t feel threatened and won’t strike. Talk to these people like you would to the snake. Tell them nothing that they can use against you. Never make your self-worth dependent on them. You have to trick them into doing something for you by letting them think it will benefit them. While the snake is valuable because it eats rodents that carry diseases, there is nothing valuable about a narcissist.
                                                           

The Victim: The world is always against them. It’s never their fault. When you offer a solution to their sorry lives, they come up with thousands of reasons why they would still be the victim. With this vampire, you need to set limits. Listen briefly, then say, “Unless you are willing to change, there is nothing I can do,” then change the subject or walk away...quickly.

The Controller: It’s my way or the highway! We’ve all met this control freak. Nothing you do is right, if you don’t do it their way. They will pick at your self-worth until you are unable to trust your decisions. I put this vampire on the same level as the narcissist, but more dangerous. Be assertive, be confident. Tell them, “Thank you for your advice, but I have this.” Stick to your guns.

                                                          

The Splitter: This is the ‘Dracula’ of emotional vampires. They are paranoid and may possibly suffer from borderline personality disorders. My siblings and I dealt with this type of personality when dealing with our mother. They try to pit people against each other and will attack if you don’t agree with them. My mother didn’t know she was sick. We didn’t know either as children, but as adults we began to see the signs. How do you protect yourself from this vampire? Don’t let them push your buttons. Don’t take sides. Walk away when their anger rears its ugly head.

I saved the least known emotional vampire for last. There are spirits out there, living in the space between life and death, that can attach themselves to you. These ghosts can literally drain the joy from your very core.

                                                             

Psychic Vampire: Another name for this creature is ‘Energy Vampire’.  When I go on ghost investigations, I make sure to surround myself with spiritual armor. Being an Empath opens me to feeling the emotions of the living and the dead. For the most part, this is helpful in understanding the spirit world and, for knowing when my friends need a hug or an encouraging word. I use my protective armor when I also do spiritual readings for people, but I also make sure to say a prayer after each reading and to cut the cord between the people that I did the reading for. Sometimes, I encounter an energy vampire that I’m not aware of it. This happened recently when I was at a large convention. This past week, I wasn’t myself. I felt drained, angry and unsettled. Where did this come from? Then I remembered.

I had met a psychic at a recent convention who happened to mention that he had many spirits living in his home. Some of those spirits were harmful. I thought I’d sensed a spirit with this man, but I wasn’t sure. I said my prayers, but maybe I hadn’t realized how persistent this spirit was. Now that I’ve identified the cause of my stress, I’ve sent the spirit away with prayers and good intentions to protect me and my home.

                                                          

 Conclusion

Sometimes, we can limit our encounters with people who go out of their way to make our lives miserable. Sometimes, we can’t; they’re family. You can survive these people if you know how to use their tricks against them. Think of this survival mode as mental Aikido or spiritual Kung Fu. It took me a long time to understand the emotional vampire and to avoid them. Be strong and know that you can overcome negativity.