Some people are afraid of heights, while others fear spiders. Some people are afraid of water, while others fear elevators. We all have fears. How we inherited these fears may come from a traumatic childhood event while others have no logical source of origin.
Some fears can be pushed to the farthest recesses of our minds, only to pop up at the most inconvenient times. Some fears are good because they keep us from doing dumb ass stuff that may lead to our premature death. But, there are some fears that keep us from growing spiritually and mentally. We all have a phobia. I don’t like heights, but I’m okay flying on a plane and, I want desperately to be as astronaut...but I hate heights.
Phobia: A phobia is an irrational fear, a kind of anxiety disorder in which the individual has a relentless dread of a situation, living creature, place or thing.
The fear of other people’s opinions; the fear of confrontation; the fear of arguments. Allodoxaphobia can be caused by unresolved emotional conflicts.
Conflict in itself is not bad and sometimes necessary for growth in a relationship to happen. But is the phobia a fear of conflict only? I think the fear of losing a friendship or a lover, even though that friend or lover is emotionally abusive, is a perfect example. It is a trigger that will make the person suffering from Allodoxaphobia keep quiet and not stand up for themselves.
Most cases of Allodoxaphobia begin in childhood with either the parents, siblings or teachers making the child feel that their words or wants or not important. How many children have listened to the words, “That is so stupid.” Even worse to hear, “I don’t care what you think.” You hear these words long enough, you believe you don’t have any self-worth...this opens you to be exploited by people who are really toxic personalities that feed off the weak.
People who suffer from Allodoxaphobia will stay in relationships even when they know that they are being emotionally abused just so they don’t have to confront the abuser. If we are talking about spouses, then we need to think long term to see if the marriage is worth saving. If the abuser won’t change; leave.
Self-awareness that you are suffering from this fear is the first step on the road to recovery. Counseling and group therapy is a great way to work up your courage to say, “Enough is enough!” Role playing with a friend, who is not toxic, is a way to practice speaking out for yourself. Setting boundaries on the toxic friend or friends is another means to control how much time you spend in their presence.
Understanding that we’ll never please all of the people all of the time...and that it really doesn’t matter who you please if you are, at the end of the day, unhappy. Practicing to say the word “NO” is the first step in building up your self-worth.
We all have fears. Sometimes, it takes us a long time to stand up to our fears. Some fears like: drowning or snakes, we may never overcome. But, when we become a doormat for others, then we need to take action. What is the worst that can happen? Your toxic friends may stop talking to you, or your overbearing relative will take you off the Christmas gift giving list...but in the end, you’ll be happier.
Free your mind and the rest will follow.